Wondering why your toast ALWAYS lands butter side down? Is it Murphy’s Law? Or is there something more scientific at play? The Never Cook Naked guys weigh in.

: regisjean

Dear Never Cook Naked Guys: I’d appreciate a scientific explanation as to why toast always lands on the floor butter-side down.—Tired of the Morning Sadness

Dear Morning Sadness: It falls butter-side down because the buttered side is heavier.

Gotcha!

That answer doesn’t pan out experimentally. (And yes, people have done experiments on this sort of thing. Gotten grants, too. Sheesh.) If things always landed heavy-side down, we’d land on our well-filled foodie stomachs every time. Instead, we fall down and hit our shoulders, our elbows, our knees, what have you.

When all factors are even, toast has about a 50/50 chance of landing buttered-side down. We think it just seems like the buttered side lands face down more often because we’re more likely to remember the mess, and just as likely to forget those times when we blew on the dry side to continue eating, like it was no big deal.

That said, all factors are not even. Most counters are about waist-high, give or take an inch. Chances are the toast starts out on your plate buttered-side up, comes off the edge of the counter, starts its swan dive, and makes about a half-rotation before it hits the floor. Thus, buttered-side down. Clearly the solution is to build higher counters. And while you’re at it, stop eating off the floor.

Our very clever, very clothed Never Cook Naked columnists are at your disposal, able to troubleshoot everything from questionable table etiquette to tricky cooking techniques (as well as, natch, proper cooking attire). Curious to learn more solutions to culinary conundrums? Just ask!

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